Under The Spotlight, Episode 1: The Dunceday Machine

Hey there, cryptonians!

My Escapades have been very popular with the followers of this blog, and so I think it will make a lot of sense to dig in a little deeper and find out more information about some of my rivals. In the debut episode we will thoroughly examine The Dunceday Machine! The spooky, scary, screechy, oil-sipping monster from the past era that we encountered in the first chapter of The Escapades.

Analysis, Kowalski!

Appearance: The Dunceday Machine is large, boxy and the opposite of futuristic. Imagine a French car from the 90s: large, rectangular and completely unreliable. It speaks in monotone humming, calling people by their first names. It clearly feels confident in its own superiority.

Achievements: None, not for the current century anyway.

Ambitions: Completely uninspired, The Dunceday Machine only seems to want to give the people who are unlucky enough to stumble upon it, out-of-date information that makes their lives more difficult. When it was initially created, it was a personal information device, like an interactive, speaking Ask Jeeves.

Backstory: The Ducneday Machine is parroting The Doomsday Machine, but rather than blowing up planets, The Dunceday Machine blows up people’s hopes of transferring their NFTs across chains quickly and easily. The character itself is a piece of artificial intelligence from a bygone era that refuses to get on board with new technology but is all too eager to provide bad information to anyone unlucky enough to come into contact with it.

Personality: Boring, smug and patronizing, The Dunceday Machine is certain that all information that doesn’t compute with its motherboard must be wrong. It has no issue droning on about why people can’t do things like move their NFTs across chains without a whole load of fuss and hassle.

Behavior: Always eager to involve itself in someone else’s attempt to solve a problem, The Dunceday Machine doesn’t listen to protestations or those with more up-to-date knowledge.

Daily Life: Due to its bulky nature, The Dunceday Machine isn’t a particularly agile piece of machinery, which means it spends most of its time in one spot. It usually hangs around close to ports in order to give people information that hasn’t been relevant for a couple of centuries.

Fears: Programed to be an authoritative, reassuring voice with the right information at the right time, The Dunceday Machine is terrified of being spoken over, proven wrong, or being out of date. This is why it rarely lets people speak uninterrupted and, if someone does manage to give correct information, it begins to shut down. Its voice gets quieter until it’s barely more than a whisper and its inner mechanics start to crackle and disintegrate until it shuts down completely, or the offending voices manage to escape.

I wish to never encounter this crooked machine ever again, but I think The Dunceday Machine is a zombie in the metal clothing — undead and will eat your brains out.