Scotty Beam

Under The Spotlight, Episode 3: Bernard Wagner

I don’t always dedicate my precious time to people I dislike, but Bernard Wagner is a special case.

He’s an A-list asshat and you could remember him from the third chapter of my critically acclaimed Escapades!

So let’s profile this turdcutter so we know who makes our life difficult.

Appearance: He makes Gordon Gecko look understated. He makes a lot of money by charging excessive fees, and he wants people to know it. Combine an 80s-style suit with gaudy jewellery and you have the standard Bernard Wagner look.

Achievements: Bernard considers himself a business leader but most of his success has come from taking advantage of people. ‘Person of The Year’ material!

Ambitions: Bernard wants more. He always just wants more! More money, more control of centralized systems that let him take an even bigger chunk of the profits he hasn’t earned himself.

Backstory: Bernard is an unscrupulous businessman through and through. He has no regard for his clients and has no respect for NFTs as an opportunity. He wants to ensure that NFTs stay as difficult as possible to use, so he can be the only one making money from them.

Personality: Brash, bold and generally unpleasant to be around, he’s exactly what you picture when you hear the term “sleazy salesman.”

Behavior: It’s hard to describe him in any other way than unpleasant. He’s rude, abrasive and uncaring about the feelings of others. He’s also always smoking a cigar.

Daily Life: Bernard has a pretty set routine. Get up, big breakfast, try and squeeze as much money out of salespeople as he can, then use that money to buy more ugly, gaudy pieces of jewelry.

Fears: Completely motivated by money, his fears are exclusively about losing his own money, someone having more money than him, or seeing an opportunity to fleece someone pass him by.

First ever cross-chain NFT teleport and space hamster. Website: